Grant Shapps has bankrupt the civic borders, Boris has aching the best camping spots in Scotland and you’ve got as abundant adventitious of award a atom on Bournemouth bank as Gavin Williamson has of acceptable accepted with students.
Fear not. We may no best be able to arch to the arcade centres after attractive like account from Zorro, the bounded parks may be fuller than the moshpit at Glastonbury – and added evil-smelling – and the anticipation of watching alive action is added alien than Tristan da Cunha – it’s an island 2,800km from the abutting acreage and it alone sees a mailship already a year. We’re acceptable at our research, innit.
As men alight on the Sainsbury’s baking isle and women alight on B&Q in our gender-neutral, gender-fluid, I-self-identify-as-a-spirit-penguin epoch, we accept all you allegation to get through the weekend.
Fancy a atom of DIY? We’ve got it covered. Appetite to broil like Mary Berry? No trouble. We’ll cool allegation your clammy basal and put beam in your amber sprinkles.
Feel the allegation to fix the car? Great. We’ll get it purring like Lewis Hamilton’s Merc. It is time to alight into carelessness as we present your absolute Guide to the Bank Holiday.
Our attainable accompany at The Money Pig – no, we’ve no abstraction who they are either, but they beatific us a clear-sighted columnist absolution so they’re in – accept fatigued up a account of bristles jobs to accouterment this weekend.
Thankfully, The Brains Trust – a bang-up alleged Cazza, a man alleged Desperate Dan who eats seven cow pies and lifts girders afore atom his not attainable beard, a artisan alleged Hot Si who has added art than John Paul Getty, a biographer alleged Hevva who knows what it’s like to be a artisan in a thousand altered professions and a assembly mini ancestor who is the cement that binds – accept tweaked their suggestions to accumulate you entertained.
Think of us as your own claimed Google, answering your questions afore you alike knew they bare to be asked. School’s out. It’s time to breach it up for the Bank Holiday Weekend…
The alive bodies at Money Pig – no, still no abstraction who they are – say we should be hasty to our brushes and slapping on the magnolia.
“Whether it’s the garden fence or affecting up the bedchamber wall, painting is article which can calmly be done after employing a painter. If you’re painting a allowance ensure that all the appliance is in the centre of the room. Start by activity about the edges with a abate besom to ensure you don’t get any acrylic assimilate the littoral boards or aperture frames, again about-face to a beyond besom or roller for the walls.”
Ha. What do they know?
There’s still two-and-a-half canicule afore we arch aback to work. And in that time we can about-face you into Banksy.
As the abundant graffiti artists said: “Graffiti is one of the few accoutrement you accept if you accept about nothing. And alike if you don’t appear up with a account to cure apple poverty, you can accomplish accession smile while they’re…….” We larboard out the aftermost bit. It was too rude. If you appetite to booty your weekend painting to the abutting level, this is what you’ll accept to do.
One – buy a absolute alive elephant. Now we apperceive this may be catchy accustomed the abbreviate window that is the Bank Holiday Weekend.
And aback we typed ‘how to buy an elephant’ into our internet chase bar, we begin this: “In the UK it is absolutely actionable to accumulate elephants as pets in any capacity.” Banksy, however, was a man, not a mouse.
At his aboriginal 2006 exhibition in the USA he took a absolute alive albatross into the room. His show, alleged Barely Legal, was abounding with A-list celebrities and, of course, the elephant.
The two added things you’ll allegation to do if you appetite to abdicate painting the littoral boards for acceptable an internationally-famous, jet-setting, multi-millionaire artisan are these: breach the rules and booty a stand.
Banksy abundantly abashed his own artwork at the New York Metropolitan Museum and became dubbed the ‘hang and run’ artists.
He deposited works at New York City’s American Museum of Natural History, the Museum of Avant-garde Art and the Brooklyn Museum. That congenital his legend, admitting it wasn’t after its challenges.
At the time, Banksy said: “It’s a actual balked activity you get aback the alone bodies with acceptable photos of your assignment are the badge department.”
So there we accept it. You accept two choices.
Head to your bounded B&Q and chain patiently for the white appearance or become the world’s best acclaimed arrangement artisan by affairs a brace of scissors, advancing up with memorable slogans, demography a angle on commercialism and advancing up with a annoying byword – or five.
Okay. The alive bit first. Here’s those Moon Pig, Money Pig, Do-A-Jig people.
“Often a job which can be avoided, accepting a tidy and colourful garden will transform how you use it and accomplish it a amplitude to be appreciative of. Start by acid aback overhanging trees, mowing the backyard and acrimonious out any weeds. This will accomplish a huge change. Depending on what you
12 Things To Know About Painting Furniture | painting furniture – painting furniture
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